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Tag Archives: difficulties

Mar
20

Sick Days :: Survival

Even though being sick stinks, it happens to the best of us. I've been fighting the plague (aka. this-really-annoying-virus-that-won't-go-away) for over a week now.  It isn't fun, in case you were wondering.  

Since life doesn't stop just because Mom is under the weather, I have to be able to survive the sick days and  help my family survive them, too. If I'm not careful, both my home and my emotions will be a disaster. That isn't good for anyone, and it affects everyone.  I need to have some strategies to hold life together, even if I feel like I'm falling apart.  

Here are a few tips I try to keep in mind on sick days:

    Be prepared- This bug hit me rather suddenly, but many times I have a little bit of warning that I'm feeling strange. Well, more strange than usual. Whenever possible, it helps immensely to be prepared for the impending doom.

    Focus on necessities - Food and clothing. Those are the only two things that are really  necessary. My family needs clothes to wear to school and work. They need to eat. They do not need furniture without dust or countertops without clutter. And I promise you that the kids will survive even if cereal, sandwiches, and frozen pizza are the only three food groups they eat for a couple of days. Trust me, I've run the tests to prove it.

    Rest - I usually get up very early in the morning and keep moving for most of the day. When I'm sick, I reset the alarm, take naps, and allow myself to just sit. I also tend to let the kids watch television, play video games, eat marshmallows, whatever. Again, they really will survive, even if they are plunked in front of a screen with sugar in hand so I can rest. It's only a day.

    Avoid important things - When I start my decision making with the words, "I don't even care," that's not a good sign. Paying bills, switching phone companies, making large purchases. All those things should wait, if at all possible.

    Avoid emotional issues- This is not the time to evaluate the state of my home or my effectiveness as a parent. Self-contemplation and fever are not friends. It also isn't the time to address my children's faults or failures.  They will still be leaving their dirty laundry on the floor next week; I can deal with it then.  Same goes for any issues that might come up with my husband.  It's best to run (or at least crawl) away from conflict until I can muster up some non-sick perspective.

    Offer grace - It is just too easy to feel sorry for myself when I'm sick and to use my illness as an excuse for my sinfulness. It's like temptation is breaking down the door and I'm simply too beat up to fight. When I give in to complaining and a poor-me-attitude, I start judging others. Then it gets ugly. Really ugly. My husband is not a nurturing mother. My children are not natural caregivers. I need to be thankful for their efforts and overlook the opportunities they miss to meet my every need.

    Remember the gospel- I know it's hard. Believe me...I know!  But it is important to keep the state of my heart in mind, regardless of how I feel. God has given me this uncomfortable opportunity to advance the gospel through my physical suffering.  I can also use this time to remember that Jesus wore a weak human body, too.  He knew pain that I will never experience.  He loves me and cares about me.  And He wants me to have the humility to cry out to Him.

What strategies do YOU use to survive your sick days? 

 

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Mar
19

Sick Days


It isn't easy being sick when you're the mom. We don't get sick days or special sick pay.

We just get sick.

You may have known from my Facebook page or from this post that I spent the first couple days of last week feeling pretty icky. Then, I spent the last couple days of the week feeling the same way.

Good times.

My family knew I was under the weather because when I'm sick, I tend to end everything I say with phrases like, "because I don't feel good." Please tell me I'm not the only one who spreads the "joy" this way....

"Can't you guys carry your own laundry upstairs? I'm really too sick to have to do it myself."

"I don't know what we're having for dinner because I just don't feel very good."

"Can you kids PLEASE stop arguing?!? I'm sick, you know."

"I'm not trying to complain, but I feel so miserable."

That last one cracks me up every time! Me? Not trying to complain? I'm not sure who I thought I was fooling; I totally wanted to complain. I wanted to be sure everyone knew how uncomfortable I was, as though my mopey eyes and drooping shoulders couldn't tell the story.

But my illness should do more than provide me the opportunity to lay down on the job or draw some sympathy. It should serve as a reminder of what it means to be human. It should help me realize how very weak I am, and how dependent I am upon God's grace for my every breath.

Often when I'm sick, after I've gotten over my own self-pity, I am struck by the reality that Jesus stepped down from His rightful throne in heaven to wear a weak, humble human body.

Think about that for a minute.

He took on this body that gets tired and weary. That has so many limitations. He became a little baby who was totally dependent on caregivers to provide for his every physical need. He felt pain....He got tired...He knew hunger.

And then, He experienced every possible physical agony when He suffered a very human death. For me.

"And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2:8

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Mar
07

To Advance the Gospel


"Life's tough."

My kids hate when I say that, but sometimes I say it anyway. Because sometimes it's true.

There are times when life is hard, and unfair, and unkind. And we can't do anything about it. Even when we can  do something about it, it doesn't always make rainbows and bunnies pop out of the situation. There still might be pain or discomfort that we experience because...well...life's tough.

My child totally bombs a test after studying for endless hours. He loses a baseball game because of a called strike that was clearly high and outside. She misses out on an invitation from someone who was supposedly a friend.

All those things matter, and I care deeply about every single trial, real or perceived, that my kiddos experience. My heart breaks for them. But I also want them to understand that they aren't victims, and it won't be the last time they face a difficulty. They should know that.

I have my own trials, too. The van has an odd burning smell the day before we leave for vacation. I plan on cleaning every inch of the kitchen, but instead spend hours disciplining some discouraging heart attitudes. Someone takes my words, shakes them up, turns them around, and uses them against me.

Days are long, nights are short, people are mean, the laundry never ends. Refs have bad eyesight, children disobey, bills pile up, school papers get lost. Those things are part of life, and sometimes life's tough.

Paul, the writer of the Philippians, knew about having a tough life. But his brand of "tough" didn't involve having too much laundry in a day or an unreasonable amount of homework like it often does around my house. His kind of "tough" was prison. And shipwreck. And threats to his life.

I can't even imagine his suffering. I'm sure it was a lot more painful, physically and emotionally, than anything I face on a daily basis. My never-ending pile of dirty dishes isn't exactly on equal footing with his chains and persecution in a Roman jail. Not even close.

My reaction to my "suffering" isn't equal to his either. When difficulties, big or small, make their way into my life, I usually start out by complaining and finish up by either lashing out or withdrawing. Or I cry. I cry a lot.

Paul, on the other hand, used his suffering as an opportunity to preach the gospel. To live  the gospel. As a matter of fact, the entire imperial guard knew that he was imprisoned for the sake of Christ.

"...what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel"
Philippians 1:12

The diaper blowout, the dirty socks on the living room floor, the toddler tantrum (or teenager tantrum. just sayin') are all opportunities to advance the gospel. The frustrations and inconveniences of normal life shine a glaring light on the need for repentance, forgiveness, grace, unconditional love....the cross.

So, is the gospel being advanced through the trials of my life? Please don't ask me that question. Seriously, please don't. I don't want to answer because I know the truth. And it isn't pretty.

Today, this day, I will face things I will not enjoy. I already have. The door will swing wide open for me to live out the truth that we are all sinners in need of a Savior. I can offer love and kindness in the face of conflict and ungratefulness. I can offer patient discipline in the face of disobedience. I can offer grace in the face of thoughtless words and actions.

I can offer Jesus.  I can teach my children, through my actions and attitudes, that when life is tough the grace of God abounds even more. And by God's grace, I can advance the gospel.

Shared with Christian Mommy Blogger.

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Jan
08

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe (a book review)

It was probably fourteen years ago, yet I still remember the day so clearly. That's unusual because most of the days from my first two or three years of motherhood are a blur. On that day I was in my room, and I was complaining, once again, to my husband on the other end of the phone.

I grumbled and cried about the many "trials" of my life. The tantrums, the disobedience, the feelings of failure. On and on I went. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the first day I'd spent our limited phone time airing my complaints.

Finally, after listening to my ramblings for quite awhile, my husband suggested that maybe we shouldn't follow through with our plans to have more children. Maybe one was enough for me. Just maybe one kid was as much as we could handle.

I felt the air leave me. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother. I had never even considered having just one child, and, in spite of all my complaining, I absolutely loved being a mommy to our bright little boy. I was shocked and hurt. But my husband wasn't trying to be unkind. He just wanted me to be happy, and he could tell that I wasn't. Even though I had everything I had dreamed of, he knew that I was tired....overwhelmed....desperate.

I'm glad to report that those troubling few days passed, and within just a couple of months we were happily expecting our second child. Three years after she blessed our little family, our third kiddo was born. All three of our kids have brought great joy to our hearts, and I am thankful for every single day I've had the privilege of being their mom.

I love being a mom. I really, truly do.

But anyone with children knows that being a mother isn't a dream. It's real life. And it's hard. It's wonderful and hard, all at the same time. I have wasted so many days feeling overwhelmed and under qualified. All too often, I've missed the good and, instead, have cried buckets of tears and voiced countless complaints to my husband (poor guy). Some days, I still do.

Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae have written a book for the desperate mommy I used to be and the desperate mom I still am sometimes. The book is called Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe. It lives up to its name. It is full of hope. Wisdom, and honesty, and hope. How I wish I would have had this book a dozen years ago!

Sarah Mae, a young mom in the middle of the little years, honestly opens up about the struggles and failures most of us have faced in one form or another. Sally answers her with biblical wisdom that she has lived out during her many years of motherhood. It is a beautiful blend of younger and older, grace and truth. It is an encouragement to both instruct younger mothers and learn from the more experienced ones.  And it continually points to the hope and forgiveness that is found at the cross of Jesus.

I needed the truth of Desperate all those years ago, but I think that I also need it today. I still have days that seem too big for me. I still feel like many of the problems I face are above my pay grade. I still struggle with reaching out to other women God wants to use in my life.  The wisdom shared in this book may be aimed at younger mommies, but the truths are necessary for any stage or season.

You can purchase Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe on Amazon or learn more on desperatemom.com.

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Dec
05

A Right Heart All Day


I feel good right now. Really good. It's early in the morning, and the house is quiet and asleep. I finished my daily exercise routine (which I'm starting up again. for the fifth time. don't judge). I just had my quiet time, and my every thought seems lifted as a prayer, overflowing with love for my Savior. I have a new energy that was missing when I fell into bed last night. I have a sense of peace. My heart is full of faith in the One who has ordained this day. I'm practically glowing from all the good feelings.

I am ready to face whatever challenges come my way.

Well, I'll feel ready until one of those "challenges" wakes up and can't find today's homework. Or unless one of those "challenges" gets my bill wrong for the second month in a row. Or except when the "challenges" happen to be a mountain of laundry and a never ending sink of dirty dishes.

In the quiet of the morning, the day seems so beautiful and full of promise. But as soon as the storms roll in (and they always roll in), I start to fall apart. My faith feels thin and frail. Often, my hope escapes with my tears, and I'm left standing in a puddle of self-pity.

At those times, I forget that I have the same Holy Spirit in the ugly messiness of the day as I have in the quiet peace of the mornings. And I so easily ignore the fact that the trials and challenges in my life are ordained just as much as the sweet, peaceful moments. God loving gives me trials to sharpen and grow me. He shows me how ridiculous my pride is and replaces it with humility. He takes away my strength so all I can do is lean on Him.

If I hope to end this day with as much joy as I'm starting out with, I'll need to....

    Pray. I cannot make it through this day on my own. I just can't. I cannot be thankful, or serve others, or give up my selfishness. I need to make a habit of continually talking to God and resting on His strength for the right words, a kind tone of voice, and a proper heart attitude.

    "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." I Peter 5:6-7

    Be thankful. If I can thank God for the trials He brings into my life, I'll begin to see them for the gifts that they are. I'll see my struggles as opportunities to live out the grace of God, to show mercy, to bless others, to train my children, to glorify my Savior. On top of that, I have every reason to be thankful. My family is healthy, and we live in a house that is safe and warm. We have delicious foods to prepare, clothes to wash, shoes to put away, toys to pick up, books to stack, furniture to dust, carpeted floors to sweep, and indoor bathrooms to clean. We are blessed.

    "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." I Thessalonians 5:18

    Meditate on scripture. Writing out Bible verses helps me commit them to my heart. Having them written on an index card in full view all day helps put them on my mind. And if I feel the joy slipping through my fingers, I can grab my Bible or one of my cards and retreat to my room for a quick recharge.

    "With my whole heart I seek you;
    let me not wander from your commandments!

    I have stored up your word in my heart,
    that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:10,11

    Do you ever struggle to keep your eyes on the cross throughout the day?

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Oct
07

31 days to {a routine} ordinary :: day 7 ~ help in troubled times

Last evening, my mom called to tell me that my aunt who is suffering with cancer needed prayer. Through a series of events, she had lost consciousness and the family had been called to the hospital.  I'm not especially close to my aunt, but the news still hit me hard.  Since my dad passed away a couple of years ago, there's a part of my heart that is broken.  I don't always notice it until something happens to expose those raw emotions.  But it's there.

Any number of things in our lives can make us come undone.  For me, this time, it was some bad news. Next, it might be having a houseful of sick kids, or waking up with a cold, or needing to get to an emergency orthodontics appointment.  It's rare to have an entire week pass without something interrupting my schedule or distracting me from my goals.  That's just life.

This is where routines come in.  If I always throw in a load of laundry as part of my morning routine, then I won't easily forget to do the wash even if I'm distracted with another problem.  If I know that I always go to the grocery store on Friday, I can be confident that we will have enough food even if I'm sick in bed and can't get out to the store in the middle of the week.  If I'm consistently making a menu plan, I don't have to worry about figuring out what to have for dinner while I'm trying to figure out when to get the car fixed.

Sure, life's difficulties can make it almost impossible to stick to a normal routine.  But at least having a routine, even if I can only do the necessary parts, can save my sanity during insane times.  And it's those routines that can give comfort and stability when ordinary life feels a little shaky.

Click to learn more about 31 Days :: to {a routine} Ordinary and find links to all the posts in this series. You also can subscribe to have all my posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow along on Facebook.

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