I don’t quite know how to say this.
I can’t go steady with you anymore.
Seriously, it’s not you…it’s me. I promise.
I’m not exactly breaking up with you, but I think we need to be “just friends.” I really hope you’ll still like me because I still like you. I do. Maybe a little too much.
But you see, my First Love has been calling me lately. A lot. He really loves me, and He doesn’t want me to be so distant.
He wants me to remember all the gifts He’s given me…and He wants me to see them as gifts.
He wants me to follow Him wherever He leads me, and He wants me to trust Him. That’s not easy, but I guess He’s earned the right to expect that much. I mean, He gave up His life for me. That’s a pretty big deal.
And honestly? I love Him, too, and I want to get back with Him. I need Him.
So, that means some things are probably going to change between us. Thanks for trying to understand.
It’s time for a reality check.
I like blogging. No, I love blogging!
You people rock! You’re my peeps, my posse, my crew, my homies, and everything else old people call the ones they like to hang with.
On top of being naturally awesome, you never leave your dirty socks on my floor, or ask me what there is to eat, or forget about your homework until half an hour past your bedtime.
You’re good like that.
Cleaning my bathrooms isn’t nearly as fun as being with you. I would much rather write a post or edit a photo than make dinner, fold laundry, wash dishes, or go grocery shopping. (Of course, I’d rather get my teeth drilled than go grocery shopping, so that’s not saying much.)
Basically, I’ve realized that I enjoy talking about “gospel homemaking” more than I enjoy living it. Living it is hard and it’s work. It’s just plain hard work.
I told myself I was living the “gospel homemaking” lifestyle and blogging about it in the cracks. I lied.
The truth is, I’ve been blogging about the “gospel homemaking” lifestyle and trying to live it out in the cracks.
That’s not really how it should work.
I’ve been wrestling with this for awhile (aka. living in denial).
I believe God has a plan for me, and I believe that plan involves being a loving wife, a committed mother, and a hard-working homemaker.
I believe He also wants me to be a writer, but I think that part of His plan is supposed to be in response to living fully in those first three roles He has for me.
And all of it needs to flow out of my relationship with my First Love – Jesus. God has been showing me pretty clearly that I’m only hopeless without Him. He knows the kind of pressure I need to drive me to my knees, and He’s graciously been applying that pressure. Plus some.
I’m putting first things first.
I’m not quitting blogging. I’m not even taking an official “break.” I’m just putting blogging in its proper place. I’ll write when I can, or when I want to, or when I need to, because sometimes I really need to write.
I’ve pretty much decided to do everything wrong when it comes to blogging. I’m probably not going to post on a regular schedule, or promote through social media, or worry if all my followers drift away. (Okay. I will totally worry if all my followers drift away, but I’m leaving it in God’s hands.)
I’m going to give my best to my home and the people living in it, and I’m going to blog in the cracks. Whatever that looks like.
It’s not going to be easy. Real life usually isn’t. It’s a bit too “real” for my comfort, but it’s got to be this way. I need to get my priorities in order. I have to start living what I believe.
I have to put my time and energy into cleaning up and cleaning out my house. I have to listen to what people are saying without wishing that I was sitting at a computer. I have to do hard things…like laundry.
And I need to start seeing this life as a gift instead of a guilt-ridden burden.
I don’t know where God is taking me, but I’m going to follow, even though it scares me like you wouldn’t believe. Perhaps stepping out (or away, as the case may be) in spite of my utter fear means it’s true obedience, you think?