BEYOND A BLOG

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Feb
09

looking out

The fourteenth of February is a day set aside for love notes and flowers and dinner for two. Every girl in town will spend the evening staring into her sweetie's eyes and soaking up the love. Well, every girl except this one. I won't see my hubby very much on Valentine's Day. That's just how it is when you're married to a restaurant manager. 

There are many different situations that can leave us feeling left out on special days. My husband always works on Valentine's Day. Other brave women will spend the day changing diapers and disciplining toddlers while their husbands are deployed overseas. And some will be reminded constantly that Mr. Right still hasn't come knocking at the door. Maybe you can relate?

Just like on Mother's Day, it's tempting for me to throw myself a lonely little pity party. It feels like the natural thing to do. But lonely little pity parties are....well....lonely. Instead, I've found that it's better (and much more fun) to look out toward others instead of focusing in on myself. Imagine that. 

Here are some ideas for beating the I'm-alone-on-Valentine's-Day blues:

    BABYSIT
    Many couples would love a kid-free date, but simply can't afford the babysitting costs. Offering to spend the evening chasing a toddler or two is a fun (and distracting) way to minister to young parents. 

    DINNER FOR A FEW
    I know an older single woman who hosts a fancy dinner in her home for other single gals every Valentine's Day. Lovely. What a great alternative to the traditional pity party theme. 

    DINNER IN
    Being single, divorced, or widowed hurts, especially on a day dedicated to enjoying the love of your life. This kind of day can feel very empty for someone like my mom, who is still getting used to living without my dad. It's hard. I'm planning to invite her over for a simple meal and some cookie decorating with me and the kids. 

    BAKE IT UP
    Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays for baking. I love cutting things into hearts or coloring them pink.....cookies, brownies, cake frosting. The possibilities are endless. The neighbors will never expect a goodie bag filled with treats and love. Surprise!

So, what ideas do you have for showing some love to others?

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Feb
07

a happy Valentine’s Day

Ahhhh.....love is in the air. Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and I feel like the whole world looks a little bit pink. Just hearing the name "February" immediately turns my mind to pink and red and decorates it with hearts. I like that.

It's fun to think of ways to say the words, "I love you," and it's exciting to anticipate the ways I'll hear them. I'm thankful for an excuse to act a little too girly, use my collection of heart-shaped cookie cutters, and surprise my kids with something homemade that's only special because of the thought behind it.  

But this lovely day also can cause the dreaded high-expectations-and-low-reality syndrome.  It can remind us of the love we've lost (or haven't found yet) and can leave us feeling more blue than pink. Valentine's Day, like most other holidays, has its own unique joys and challenges, and it's important that we guard and prepare our hearts. 

Over the next few days, I hope to talk about some ways we can keep our own hearts on the right path and enjoy blessing the hearts of others as well.  Will you join me?

Cheap heart-shaped candy, optional.

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Jan
31

complaining :: a recap

Wow, I'm having a hard time not complaining about this series on complaining! Crazy, right? I can see that I still have a lot of growing to do in this area. Actually, I still have a lot of weeding to do. God has used this time to reveal sins that need removed from my heart and biblical principles that need applied. It has been both painful and healing. And He isn't finished yet (at least I hope not!).

I thought I'd give us this quick reference page to the posts in this uncomfortable series. Yes, it has been very uncomfortable for me. I'm not complaining (I promise), but some things are just harder to face than others. I think I'll need to revisit these thoughts often:

:: no complaints
:: back door complaints
:: it's not what you say...
:: the heart of the matter
:: a cure

And since all those posts leave me feeling the need for some encouragement, I'm adding in a bonus link to true beauty. For free.

I hope you've hated and enjoyed this series as much as I have!

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Jan
30

complaining :: a cure

Last Saturday, my husband and I went out for some much needed time alone. But getting ready to leave, fixing lunch for the kids, giving last-minute instructions, and trying to steer clear of an argument I was being dragged into left me feeling a bit frazzled by the time I took my seat in the car.

As we started down the road I sighed to Brian, "Sometimes life is just hard." I was fishing for company for my misery. He didn't take the bait. Instead of giving me the sympathy I wanted, Brian gave me the reality I needed. He very lovingly asked how life could be so hard when we have three healthy kids, a nice house to live in, two working cars, and a job to pay the bills. He had a good point: We have much to be thankful for.

If complaining is a poison (and it is), then thankfulness is the anti-venom. It builds up good treasure. It corrects our view of reality. It turns our self-centered hearts to God.

I easily forget that everything in my life, the things I'm happy about and the things that annoy me, comes from the hand of a loving God who is working it all together for good.The prophet Jeremiah used a question to remind us of God's sovereignty in our suffering, "Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?" (Lamentations 3:38). I tend to view the good things in my life as worthy of praise and the bad things as worthy of complaint. Instead, I should "rejoice always" and "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thess. 5:16, 18). Always. All circumstances.

I remember living out the thankfulness principle a couple of years ago when my kids all decided to be sick at the same time. For several days I was comforting sick children around the clock. All night long, as soon as my head would hit the pillow, someone else would wake up. I got even less rest during the days. It was truly exhausting.

But, I found so much joy that week because I forced myself to be thankful. I thanked God for the opportunity to show love in a unique way to my little ones. I thanked Him for giving me the broken heart that a mother has for her sick children. And when I thought I was just too tired to do it anymore, I thanked Him for letting me share in the sufferings of Christ. As my body and emotions were overwhelmed, I was able to praise Jesus in a new way for the sacrifice He made in taking on human form, with all its pain and exhaustion and physical limitations. What a sacrifice He made!

I counted my blessings and stopped keeping track of my suffering. Thankfulness. That is the key. It's nearly impossible to complain about my circumstances when I'm busy praising God for them. And there is always something to thank Him for. If there isn't any good to be found, then praise Him for how He is using the bad. And rest assured, He is using it......so be thankful.

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Jan
26

true beauty

As I sat in the waiting room of the orthodontics clinic the other day, I observed one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She wasn't twenty-something. She wasn't a size two. She wasn't tall with flowing hair and sexy clothes. By most people's standards, she was not a head-turner. She was pretty, but not a worldly beauty.

Still, I was mesmerized.  I could hardly take my eyes off her. I tried not to stare, but she was glowing.

This beautiful woman was there with her husband, a baby girl, an older teenage boy, and twin teenage girls. After a couple of minutes, her twins' challenges became evident. They spoke too loudly and were easily distressed. At times, one of them would touch her mom's face, beg to hold hands, or ask repeatedly for the same unmet request.

Yet every frustrating situation was met with a smile.  It seemed to be a joy to watch over and discipline her kids. She answered them with cheerful firmness, and they were surprisingly well behaved.  She calmly insisted on their obedience, and they cooperated, even when it obviously went against their nature.  She didn't threaten or bribe.  She didn't give in or allow them to have their own way. And that smile never left her face, not even for a minute.

I don't think I've ever seen a better example of "the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." I wanted to watch her and learn from her. I wanted to soak up some of her joy. I wanted to emulate her patience. I wanted her glow.

What words would someone use to describe me if they were to watch me with my easy kids and minor problems?  Joy?  Patience?  I doubt it. Do I smile very often?  Do I ever smile in the midst of a trial?  Um....no.

That sweet lady has been on my mind ever since I saw her shining face. I hope that I never forget her. And I hope that I will develop the same kind of gentle and quiet spirit that was so appealing to me and, more importantly, is very precious in the sight of God.

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:4)

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Jan
24

complaining :: the heart of the matter

As I've still been trying to recognize and eliminate my own complaining, I've been struck by how very much I complain inside my head, without ever saying the words.  I have to constantly struggle to take every thought captive. It's no wonder that it's so tough to control my outward expressions of complaint. Jesus said that's how it works.

Listen to Jesus' words.  Don't simply skim over the passage, really listen. Just a warning though, this might hurt a bit.

"Either make the tree good and it's fruit good, or make the tree bad and it's fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers!  How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.  The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil." (Matthew 12:33-35)

A bad tree?  Me?  That seems a little harsh. How about a brood of vipers?  I know I'm not that bad. At least that's what I'd like to think. But if my complaining is coming from the abundance of my heart....well....what does that say about the condition of my heart?  

When I allow myself to think thoughts of complaint about a situation, I'm building up my evil treasure. When I overlook someone else's faults on the outside but harbor bitterness on the inside, I'm storing evil treasure. When I make sarcastic comments or criticisms in my head, I am collecting evil treasure.

Thankfully, Jesus died to give me freedom from those sins, too. I don't have to hold onto that bad treasure. As I praise God for bringing trials into my life, I am building up good treasure. When I choose to love someone who has failed or frustrated me, I am storing good treasure. When I resist the temptation to think unkind thoughts toward others, I'm collecting good treasure.

It doesn't matter if my complaining is the obvious-can't-miss-it kind, the kind I try to sneak in the back door, or the kind that's little more than a sound or tone of voice. It all starts with my sinful heart. And it all ends with grace. Repentance and resistance through grace.

When the complaining thoughts pop up, I have to fight against them. I have to resist. Like the Psalmist, I need to pray, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:14) I need to pray this daily....hourly....sometimes even minute-by-minute. I must stop these thoughts before they become the treasure of my heart and the words of my mouth. And I must make His Word the treasure of my heart so my words are a reflection of Him and acceptable to Him. Only by God's grace.

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers.

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