Struggles

Feb
22

Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed. Overworked. Underpaid. Welcome to my world.

That isn't really my world, just my perception of it recently. I'm afraid I've been a bit of a mess for the past couple of weeks. I've cried, I've complained, I've seen the dark cloud behind every silver lining. I've been the dark cloud behind the silver lining. I feel like I've been hanging onto sanity by the tips of my fingers, which is only slightly better than not hanging onto it at all.

Sometimes it seems like everything goes wrong at the same time. My Quiet Times are brief or non-existent, one (or more) of the kids goes through a difficult phase, the house starts looking like one big clutter pile, and my emotions begin spiraling out of control. I can only take that crazy life for a little while.

By nature I tend to be a problem solver.....after I'm done wallowing in self-pity, that is. By the grace of God, when I finally got tired of following my feelings, I started doing some things to pull myself out of the hole I was in.

Here are some things I did (or am in the process of doing):

    --Have my Quiet Time--Unfortunately, this one is often the first thing to go away when trouble comes knocking. It's so easy to tell myself that I need the extra sleep, I have other things I should do instead, or I'll find the time later. All a bunch of lies. I need the cross. Every minute of every day. I NEED it. Starting my day with my Savior is essential for peace in my heart and home.

    --Review Tell Your Time--This is such a great little book. It's a quick read and is completely practical. Over the past couple of days I've skimmed some parts of Tell Your Time that were so helpful to me the first time through it. It sharpened my focus on what I should be doing with my days.

    --Make a schedule and calendar--Using a worksheet I printed from Tell Your Time, I revamped my schedule a bit. After that, I opened up Google Calendar and loaded it all in. Now, I'm actually excited to use my calendar to stay on top of things.

    --Be realistic--I like to get a lot of things done. Well, I like to plan on getting a lot of things done. I'm not always so good with the follow-through. I've been loving my Daily Plan-It, but I need to carefully consider how much time it takes to complete each task I schedule. Being reasonable about how much I plan is much better than planning a ton of things I'll never be able to do.


The grey sky looked a little lot brighter today. I smiled more. I laughed. God is good!

What are some things that help you when you're feeling overwhelmed? Please share in the comments!

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers.

Do you enjoy Gospel Homemaking? You may want to consider subscribing to get free updates, tips, and The Daily Plan-It right in your email inbox or in your feed reader. How cool is that?

Aug
12

Not Quite Normal

I don't know that I ever would have described my life as "normal". I'm not completely crazy, but I'm sure that many people would call this homemaking-homeschooling-homeloving mom a bit.....unusual. That's fine with me. Still, I think that most of us have an idea of what "normal life" means for our own unique family. I like normal. Normal is good.

Yet, sometimes "normal" just doesn't exist. Occasionally, we all have "one of those days" when everything falls apart, and you're left trying to stick the pieces back together with the jelly that someone smeared across the kitchen floor (and probably tracked all over the living room rug). At other times, we have entire seasons when "normal" seems to slip through our fingers. A job loss, an ongoing illness, or a bout of morning sickness can take a "normal life" and shake it up. Or, like what I'm experiencing now, the loss of a loved one can turn life upside down. It's tempting to crawl into a hole (or at least back into bed) and try to wish both the trouble and the To Do List away. But, since family life never seems to slow down and wait for "normal" to return, we need to learn how to handle these less-than-ideal situations.

I wish I could say that I have this all figured out. Boy, do I wish I could say that! Instead, I'll simply have to share with you some things I'm learning right now about prioritizing and pressing on in spite of the trials that God brings into our lives:

 

-Guard your heart. When difficulties pour into our lives, it's important to resist self-pity. Even though I have times when I cry or feel downright sad, I know that I need to watch out for feeling sorry for myself. Allowing ourselves to rest, grieve, or take some time off can be necessary. But hiding away or dwelling on our problems rarely makes us feel better. Talk to your husband or a friend if this temptation seems too big to resist.

-Focus on the necessities. I can't do everything right now. I don't want to do everything right now. Some days, I don't want to do anything! Fixing meals, washing dishes, and doing the laundry are three things that must be done. We all need to eat, and if I neglect the dishes or laundry, they'll just keep piling up. On the other hand, life will keep moving just fine if I don't get to the dusting or detail clean the bathrooms. I also try to have the kids help pick up in the living room each evening. This helps make our home feel more peaceful, and that's something we need right now.

-Lighten up. I'm a painfully frugal kind of girl, but I've needed to let that go a little during this time. A rotisserie chicken or take-out pizza might not be usual fare around here, but the few extra dollars spent at the grocery store have bought me some sanity. Simple things like cooking easy meals, using paper plates, and shopping without coupons have helped me save my brain for the other tasks I can't let go.

-Accept help. Everyone knows that no one does things quite like mom, but this isn't the time to remind people of that fact. Be thankful when your husband, your children, or a friend offers to give you a hand. Sure, everything might not be perfect (and it might take you two weeks to find your favorite measuring cup after someone else puts the dishes away!), but you also might learn a valuable lesson in humility.

-Do something. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: Something is better than nothing. I don't try to get a long list of things done each day, but I try to at least do something. And I often find that if I get moving on something simple like making the bed or loading the dishwasher, I somehow find the energy to do a couple more tasks, too. At the beginning of each day, I also think of one or two things besides the necessities that I'd like to accomplish. By limiting my To Do List, I don't get overwhelmed, but I still get a few things done.

 

I can't say when "normal" will return around here. I'm sure that our old view of "normal" is a thing of the past. But I'm also sure that one day, in God's good and perfect timing, He will bring the peace that comes with getting back to (our new) "normal".

Photo credit: escher

Jul
10

Long Time, No See

Sorry for the long silence. About a month ago our computer's hard drive died. Kicked the bucket. Bit the dust. It was several years old, so my husband was happy to buy a new one. Even though we didn't enjoy the expense, we really enjoyed playing around with our new toy. Until its hard drive died too. Seriously. Do I live in a force field or something?!? So, our new computer has been "in the shop" all week and might not be back home for a few more days. I'm writing this on my iPod. I sure hope it turns out!

We're on vacation next week, but I hope to write a little whenever I'm able...that is, unless our computer decides to rebel again!

Jun
16

Update on My Sick Girl

Tomorrow will be three weeks since Mackenzie wrapped her arms around her tummy and told me that she was in pain. It's been a long three weeks, but she's finally starting to feel better. Not "all better", but we'll take what we can get. Apparently, she has a virus (although it seems more like the plague!), and it's taking time for her body to get rid of it and recover. She usually wakes up with some pain, is able to play off and on throughout the day, then ends up having more pain again in the evenings. Some days are better than others. Some moments are better than others.

But God is always good. He has never failed to provide the grace I've needed, even in those moments when I've felt tired and overwhelmed. Especially in those moments.

God is working....more slowly than we would like....but in His good and perfect timing! Thank you for praying for my girl!

Jun
10

Sufficient Grace

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

 

Today marks two weeks of Mackenzie being sick. She is slowly improving, but still has pain and isn't "back to normal" yet. Two weeks is a long time when there's a lot of sickness and not a lot of answers. But God, in His grace, is providing plenty of room for growth.

As emotions around here are beginning to run thin, I am reminded of my humility. I don't mean that I'm reminded of my humble heart. I'm afraid that "prideful" is a better word to use when talking about my heart. I mean that I am reminded of my weakness, my need, my humble condition.

As moms, it's easy for us to think that we can hold everything together. That's our job, right? But then something happens that shows us how incapable we are on our own. The baby decides to go through the "terrible two's" a couple of months early. The car breaks down the same week that the savings account runs out of funds. One of the kids gets sick and just isn't getting better.

These trials are painful blessings. Some situations leave us so helpless that we have no other choice but to turn to the cross and the grace that is offered there. We will all endure struggles on this earth. Your problems are different than mine. Your difficulties may seem to pale in comparison to mine. Or, mine may be just a drop in the bucket compared to what you're going through right now. Yet, the gospel is sufficient for us all.

Today, my greatest struggle is against my own sinfulness. My patience is low and my frustrations are high. I have continually needed to flee from sin.....and to run to the cross. But that's exactly where I should be all the time. I am always helpless to be good, to be righteous, to be kind. On my best days and on my worst days, I am still the same. I am a human, born in sin and in desperate need of a Savior.

 

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved..." (Ephesians 2:4)

 

So, today, I must thank Jesus for the cross that saved me, the grace that sustains me, and the trials that drive me to Him once again.

You may want to read more on how the gospel relates to homemaking or on dealing with a difficult day (that's where I'm headed right now!).

 

Photo credit: tribalslamdance

May
12

Cleaning Up

The other day, it occurred to me that biblical parenting takes time. Lots and lots of time. When my kids have an issue of disobedience or unkindness that needs addressed, I'm often tempted to yell at them, dish out some sort of punishment, slam their bedroom door, and storm away. Point made. Child disciplined. Job done. Next?

I'll admit that this sinful mommy gives in to that yelling and storming away temptation far too often. But that isn't biblical parenting. Biblical parenting requires that I pray, talk, ask questions, listen, search hearts, and (most importantly) share the gospel. Again. And again. And again. That's my life. That's the life God has given me.

Of course, He's also given me a husband, a house, and countless other responsibilities. And, while I can usually hold things together around here pretty well, there are days when my "To Do List" is more of a "wish list" and my house looks like I must have done nothing at all except spend hours sitting around eating bon-bons and watching "Pride and Prejudice" (I wish!).

These are the days when, after the issues finally have been resolved and the relationships mended, that you'll see me walk downstairs, survey the destruction that inevitably happens when homeschooling three kids, and sigh. I'm spent. I feel like the day has chewed me up and spit me out. Giving up and throwing in the towel starts sounding really good. But.....we all need the peace that comes with an orderly home. I know that I'll feel even more exhausted and my husband won't be able to relax if I don't straighten things up, at least a little. Still, with my limited physical and mental energy at the end of an especially trying day, I'd better be focused and have a plan.

Here are a few things I keep in mind when I'm facing clean up time at the end of a long day:

 

-First, I need to remember that the way I spent my day was important. The kitchen may be a mess and the laundry might not be folded, but my kids are precious gifts from God, not distractions from what I really should be doing. Even those moments of discipline are a blessing, as they provide an opportunity to instruct and train them in the truths of God's Word and the gospel. Warning: Do not rehash each offense the kids have committed that day as you pick up their dirty socks or clear their dishes from the table. It's easy to replay the disrespectful words or rebellious actions in your head, sowing the seeds of bitterness. Resist!

-Decide what must be done, and then forget about the rest. I know the dust and cobwebs will still be waiting for me tomorrow. The piles of laundry on my bed or the board games on the living room floor can't wait. I take care of the things that will be a distraction from a quiet evening. "Good enough" is good enough for today.

-I save the kitchen for last. With three kids at home all day, my kitchen is always a bit of a mess. Put that together with not having time to keep up with the dishes or put away the food packages that tend to litter the counter tops, and the kitchen can look like a disaster area by the end of the day. If I expend the energy necessary to clean this room at the beginning of my clean-up time, then I'm doomed to leave the rest of the house a mess. But, if I save this space for last, I usually have enough momentum to get me through just one last room.

-I have the kids help. Whenever possible, I have the kids take care of whatever they can to get things cleaned up. Even young children can carry their toys to their room or put their clothes in the basket. My kids are great at cleaning up the main living areas of our home (after years of training). It isn't usually done quite the way I would do it, but it's much better than if I had to do the entire job myself.

-Often, I'll go in circles to clean up. Say what??? I'll start in the living room, quickly move into the laundry room, then to the bedroom, and cut back through the dining room. I'll straighten one or two things in each area, and try to pick up something that needs to go into another room. I'll keep going round until the entire job is done. This method is especially helpful when there are random odds and ends of things lying around. It keeps me moving quickly.

-Other times, I'll pick a room and work until it's done. Then, I'll go the next room, cleaning up just enough to move on. I don't worry about making the house look perfect. Not today. And by the time I get around to the kitchen, the whole house is done (well, at least the parts that matter), and the end is in sight.

-Finally, set a timer. Sometimes, having a timer set for just fifteen minutes gets me moving.....and once I'm started moving, I'm much more likely to find the energy to finish the job. You can read more HERE about how I use a "Fast Fifteen" to motivate me to get things done.

 

These days will come. It's a fact. And they'll tend to be messy. Another fact. But each and every moment is a blessing. Cherish these times. Enjoy them. Praise God for them. Then clean them up so you can start over again tomorrow!

Find more helpful ideas over on Works for Me Wednesday.