Heart Issues

Mar
12

where I am….

I've had a rough couple of weeks. That happens to me sometimes. I wish it didn't, but it does. And it stinks.

I've spent way too much time over the past few days crying buckets of tears for no good reason. Well, I thought I had good reasons at the time, but I can't seem to remember them right now.

I really hated the thought of airing my dirty laundry here (oh, I just remembered one of my good reasons: dirty laundry), but I have a feeling that I'm not the only one who has the occasional grumpy day (or week....or two weeks...). Just maybe other women struggle with out of control emotions that make them seem like a crazy person from time to time. Maybe?  Anyone?

While I would love to blame my hormones, my family, and that pesky dirty laundry for all my troubles, I know that the real problem is my heart. It always is.  At church this week, God used His Word to convict and correct me.

I often struggle with having contentment right where I am. I long for a world without sin. I want a life where everyone loves me perfectly. I want the kids to obey, the dishes not to pile up, and the laundry to fold itself. I want things to be easy. I want a life God did not give to me. Of course, I don't want a different husband or kids, I just want my circumstances of the moment to be different.

And then God says, "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him..." (1 Corinthians 7:17). He goes on to talk to those who are slaves. SLAVES. He tells those who are in the worst situations possible that they have freedom through Him and that they should live their lives fully right where He has placed them, whether they are slaves or freemen.

Do I believe that God has placed me where I am?  Do I believe that the Lord has a sovereign plan and purpose in every situation? Do I believe it when the children are arguing? How about when the house looks like it's been ransacked? When everything feels like it's falling apart? I'd like to say that I believe it. As a matter of fact, if you asked, I probably would say that I believe it. But my actions and attitudes tell a different story.

I ignore the Truth. I get caught up in me and forget about Him. I think that if God would simply change my circumstances or the people around me, then I could glorify Him by living fully where I am. Then everything would be better. But like my pastor reminded us, we have Jesus. Things can't get better than that!

"So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, let him remain with God." (1 Corinthians 7:24)

I have Jesus. Right here, right now. In the middle of the piles of laundry and homeschool lessons and dusty furniture, I have Jesus.  When the people I love make loving hard, I have Jesus.  During those moments when everything seems all messed up and it feels like God has left me alone, I have Jesus.  Whether I believe it or not, I have Jesus.

I have Jesus, and it doesn't get any better than that.

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers.

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Feb
14

happy {joyful} Valentine’s Day

We know that our husbands love us. They work hard so we can do important stuff like buy groceries and wear clothes. They occasionally do things like make the bed or wash the dishes, just because. And they make our kids smile in a way that we can only dream of.

Our husbands show love towards us in a million little ways.  On Valentine's Day, it's easy for us to communicate that all those little ways don't add up to a hill of beans. We deeply desire a romantic evening away from dirty laundry and needy kids. We want candy or flowers or jewelry. Sometimes, we don't even want anything in particular, we just want something.

On this lovely day, it is important for me to remember that the world is not about me. Don't you hate that?  This day really should be about me. I mean, my husband could care less about paper hearts or poetic cards. It's not exactly his "thing".

Still, I'm sure he would enjoy a short note of appreciation left on the seat of his car or some heart-shaped homemade treats. He would be touched by my going out of my way to make him feel special, no matter how small the gesture. If I'm busy thinking about how I can bless my husband, then I might not be wasting my time dreaming up new ways for him to bless me.

My husband deeply desires to make me happy, so today I will be joyful.
I will try to see my situation as part of God's plan and other people as objects of His grace.
I will resist the temptation to complain.
I will communicate how thankful I am for my husband and all he does.
I will let him love me in his own way, without expectations.
I will smile.

I will love him.

Feb
09

looking out

The fourteenth of February is a day set aside for love notes and flowers and dinner for two. Every girl in town will spend the evening staring into her sweetie's eyes and soaking up the love. Well, every girl except this one. I won't see my hubby very much on Valentine's Day. That's just how it is when you're married to a restaurant manager. 

There are many different situations that can leave us feeling left out on special days. My husband always works on Valentine's Day. Other brave women will spend the day changing diapers and disciplining toddlers while their husbands are deployed overseas. And some will be reminded constantly that Mr. Right still hasn't come knocking at the door. Maybe you can relate?

Just like on Mother's Day, it's tempting for me to throw myself a lonely little pity party. It feels like the natural thing to do. But lonely little pity parties are....well....lonely. Instead, I've found that it's better (and much more fun) to look out toward others instead of focusing in on myself. Imagine that. 

Here are some ideas for beating the I'm-alone-on-Valentine's-Day blues:

    BABYSIT
    Many couples would love a kid-free date, but simply can't afford the babysitting costs. Offering to spend the evening chasing a toddler or two is a fun (and distracting) way to minister to young parents. 

    DINNER FOR A FEW
    I know an older single woman who hosts a fancy dinner in her home for other single gals every Valentine's Day. Lovely. What a great alternative to the traditional pity party theme. 

    DINNER IN
    Being single, divorced, or widowed hurts, especially on a day dedicated to enjoying the love of your life. This kind of day can feel very empty for someone like my mom, who is still getting used to living without my dad. It's hard. I'm planning to invite her over for a simple meal and some cookie decorating with me and the kids. 

    BAKE IT UP
    Valentine's Day is one of my favorite holidays for baking. I love cutting things into hearts or coloring them pink.....cookies, brownies, cake frosting. The possibilities are endless. The neighbors will never expect a goodie bag filled with treats and love. Surprise!

So, what ideas do you have for showing some love to others?

Feb
07

a happy Valentine’s Day

Ahhhh.....love is in the air. Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and I feel like the whole world looks a little bit pink. Just hearing the name "February" immediately turns my mind to pink and red and decorates it with hearts. I like that.

It's fun to think of ways to say the words, "I love you," and it's exciting to anticipate the ways I'll hear them. I'm thankful for an excuse to act a little too girly, use my collection of heart-shaped cookie cutters, and surprise my kids with something homemade that's only special because of the thought behind it.  

But this lovely day also can cause the dreaded high-expectations-and-low-reality syndrome.  It can remind us of the love we've lost (or haven't found yet) and can leave us feeling more blue than pink. Valentine's Day, like most other holidays, has its own unique joys and challenges, and it's important that we guard and prepare our hearts. 

Over the next few days, I hope to talk about some ways we can keep our own hearts on the right path and enjoy blessing the hearts of others as well.  Will you join me?

Cheap heart-shaped candy, optional.

Jan
31

complaining :: a recap

Wow, I'm having a hard time not complaining about this series on complaining! Crazy, right? I can see that I still have a lot of growing to do in this area. Actually, I still have a lot of weeding to do. God has used this time to reveal sins that need removed from my heart and biblical principles that need applied. It has been both painful and healing. And He isn't finished yet (at least I hope not!).

I thought I'd give us this quick reference page to the posts in this uncomfortable series. Yes, it has been very uncomfortable for me. I'm not complaining (I promise), but some things are just harder to face than others. I think I'll need to revisit these thoughts often:

:: no complaints
:: back door complaints
:: it's not what you say...
:: the heart of the matter
:: a cure

And since all those posts leave me feeling the need for some encouragement, I'm adding in a bonus link to true beauty. For free.

I hope you've hated and enjoyed this series as much as I have!

Jan
30

complaining :: a cure

Last Saturday, my husband and I went out for some much needed time alone. But getting ready to leave, fixing lunch for the kids, giving last-minute instructions, and trying to steer clear of an argument I was being dragged into left me feeling a bit frazzled by the time I took my seat in the car.

As we started down the road I sighed to Brian, "Sometimes life is just hard." I was fishing for company for my misery. He didn't take the bait. Instead of giving me the sympathy I wanted, Brian gave me the reality I needed. He very lovingly asked how life could be so hard when we have three healthy kids, a nice house to live in, two working cars, and a job to pay the bills. He had a good point: We have much to be thankful for.

If complaining is a poison (and it is), then thankfulness is the anti-venom. It builds up good treasure. It corrects our view of reality. It turns our self-centered hearts to God.

I easily forget that everything in my life, the things I'm happy about and the things that annoy me, comes from the hand of a loving God who is working it all together for good.The prophet Jeremiah used a question to remind us of God's sovereignty in our suffering, "Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that good and bad come?" (Lamentations 3:38). I tend to view the good things in my life as worthy of praise and the bad things as worthy of complaint. Instead, I should "rejoice always" and "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thess. 5:16, 18). Always. All circumstances.

I remember living out the thankfulness principle a couple of years ago when my kids all decided to be sick at the same time. For several days I was comforting sick children around the clock. All night long, as soon as my head would hit the pillow, someone else would wake up. I got even less rest during the days. It was truly exhausting.

But, I found so much joy that week because I forced myself to be thankful. I thanked God for the opportunity to show love in a unique way to my little ones. I thanked Him for giving me the broken heart that a mother has for her sick children. And when I thought I was just too tired to do it anymore, I thanked Him for letting me share in the sufferings of Christ. As my body and emotions were overwhelmed, I was able to praise Jesus in a new way for the sacrifice He made in taking on human form, with all its pain and exhaustion and physical limitations. What a sacrifice He made!

I counted my blessings and stopped keeping track of my suffering. Thankfulness. That is the key. It's nearly impossible to complain about my circumstances when I'm busy praising God for them. And there is always something to thank Him for. If there isn't any good to be found, then praise Him for how He is using the bad. And rest assured, He is using it......so be thankful.