I have a confession to make: That Proverbs 31 lady can really get on my nerves sometimes. Do you know what I mean?
She seems to have it all together. She blesses her husband, manages her home, plants vineyards, weaves cloth, makes clothes, helps the poor, travels to the ends of the earth for good food, and apparently never sleeps. She also is dignified, optimistic about the future, always wise, and amazingly kind. Nauseating isn't it?
Meanwhile, here I am, with everything seeming to be in a constant downward spiral. I think I'd be happy if I could just master one of the countless things she pulls off so effortlessly. She sweeps through life gracefully, while I'm clumsily chasing after the ideal home....ideal schedule....ideal meal plan....ideal laundry system....on and on....you get the point.
It's enough to make me tell Ms. Proverbs 31 to take her perfect life and bury it in a vineyard somewhere, especially on a week like this.
You see, I have company coming this weekend. Now, I know that they could care less about how my house looks, but I care about how it looks. I want to have every inch of it cleaned and organized. If someone asks me for a thumbtack, I want to know exactly where to find one. If I suddenly need a straight pin, I want to effortlessly go and get it. (Hey, you never know when you'll have a thumbtack or straight pin emergency.) I don't want to cringe if somebody tries to use the upstairs bathroom, and I don't want the kids to need a ladder and a length of rope in order to get to the toys in the closet.
I want everything perfect. Perfectly perfect. I even want the hidden spots that only I know about to perfect. I want everything to be just right. And I want to be smiling, as though everything fell into place naturally.
I want to be the Proverbs 31 woman. I want to do it all. I want to be it all. Probably not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure that God included the last chapter of Proverbs to be an encouragement to us as women. I would guess that the picture painted there is meant to inspire and encourage. Instead, I can easily allow it to condemn. Convict. Declare me guilty.
I am a woman whose heart is ruled by pride. I desperately desire to be Martha Stewart and Elisabeth Elliot all rolled up into one. I'd also throw in some Edith Schaeffer for good measure. If I wanted this for the glory of God, that would be noble. But I want to look good. That's a fact.
I don't want anyone to know that I'm barely holding things together around here. I don't want anyone to suspect that I haven't dusted in weeks or seen the floor of the loft for the past two months. I don't want anyone to think that I'm not in control. I don't want anyone to know the truth.
Yet, here I am. I have a To Do List longer than my arm. Longer than both my arms. There's no way that I'm going to get everything done. There's no way that I'll be able to make everything perfect.
So, I will have to swallow my pride. I will have to prioritize. I will have to decide what is necessary and what is luxury. I will be forced to strive for being a woman who "fears the Lord," while accepting that looking "well to the ways of [my] household" might not be enough to produce the result I'm hoping for.
Maybe then I will remember that God's grace is sufficient for all He wants me to accomplish. Maybe I'll figure out how to be content in my weakness so that I can rest in His strength. Just maybe I'll finally believe that "when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).
May God continue to work on this foolish heart of mine and keep reminding me of His perfect work on the cross. God is good.
How do you deal with your imperfections?
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June 28, 2011 - 5:53 am
I too, have struggled with the comparisons… One thing that comforts me: the Proverbs 31 woman had help! Servants to carry out the menial tasks. So, if you must compare, look at all you are accomplishing without a brigade of helpers! Have a beautiful, productive and guilt-free day
June 28, 2011 - 7:56 am
Amanda,
Thanks for the encouragement! I plan to enlist the help of my servants (aka.my children) today. Hopefully they don’t read this and run away to hide!
Hope you have a beautiful day, too.
June 28, 2011 - 11:44 am
Wow. I could have written this post.
Overwhelmed, under-motivated and perfectionistic me. Ugh.
I am grateful for my All-powerful, grace-giving and perfect Jesus that make everything else pale in comparison. Home work included.
‘Spose there was a Proverbs 32 list for when company is coming?
HUGS and blessings and I pray you get what needs to be done, done, and the rest will be covered in dust, I mean grace.
~Leslie
June 28, 2011 - 8:07 pm
Know exactly how you feel! And then one of my friends posted this on FB today:
“Further meditation: if I *did* consider and buy a field, my husband would kill me.
And if I gave portions to my maidens our grocery budget would be really expensive. And knowing myself, if we DID have a maid or a cook, I’d spend my time sitting around chatting with her and neither one of us would get anything done. But I had a lightbulb moment last night as I responsibly put food away in a ziplock bag…I may not be a Prov 31 woman, but I’ve managed to be the woman around here for 3 years and 22 months and somehow no one’s died of food poisoning (yet) and we still manage to make it out to events with clean clothes (or we can fool people pretty good with an iron and cologne). Best of all, the resident offspring’s favorite song is “The B-I-B-L-E” (hence the little voice in the other room repeatedly hollering “B-I-B-I-B-I-B-I-BEE!!!”) and the most exciting part of my week last week was sitting in Sunday School having an “aha!” moment while learning about the way God designed the Abrahamic and Mosaic covenants to point to Christ. So I guess…that’s a start!”
Made me think of you and what you’d written this morning! (And Katie, if you read this, thanks for the post!) I’m so glad Prov. 31 isn’t a series of commands
June 29, 2011 - 7:40 am
Leslie,
Thanks so much for your comment. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes. And I have to admit that every time I see that layer of dust in the living room, I think of your note and remember that I’m covered by grace. Hey, maybe I should leave it there as a constant reminder…tempting.
June 29, 2011 - 7:54 am
Diana,
It is so easy to look at Proverbs 31 and see a list of commands, but I don’t think that’s what God had in mind for us (thanks for the reminder). Really, that chapter is a beautiful picture of a strong woman who serves her family and others. She is able to do all of those things because she fears the Lord, not because she has some sort of super-strength that I don’t possess. She lifts up the occupation of being a woman and places right where it belongs, in the shadow of the cross.
July 3, 2011 - 10:01 am
As we get ready to move, I see so many things I have let go for too long. And one of them is me, I need to get shaped up and dressed to the fives (Not the 9′s yt) everyday. Thank you for sharing this today, I needed to be reminded that perfect=prideful and I don’t want that in my heart.
July 3, 2011 - 11:27 am
It makes such a difference in how I feel when I’m dressed and my hair is fixed. It’s amazing how a simple t-shirt and ponytail seem to give me energy. Hope your move goes well!
August 12, 2011 - 11:19 pm
Goodness! Like many before me have said, this could be me too! God bless you for your humbleness in admitting pride, it helps me to keep my own in check.