This is the week when love is in the air. For at least one day we say the words and write the notes that tell our husbands how very much we care about them. We may even plan a special meal or buy a gift that will express our love and affections.
But there is something we can do every single day to love our sweet husbands. It’s something that can’t be bought at the store or wrapped in a box or eaten. As a matter of fact, this gift may go relatively unnoticed.
It’s one simple little act of love. Are you ready for it? Here it is:
Don’t complain.
Simple? Yes. Easy? Not hardly. At least not for me. You see, I usually start complaining the second my alarm sounds in the morning. It’s too early. I’m too tired. The house is too cold. I wish it was Saturday. And all those thoughts happen before my feet even hit the floor.
It’s no small wonder that the complaints fall off my tongue almost as easily as they roll through my head. My husband steps into the house after work, and the temptation to voice my complaints comes rushing in right behind him. The kids fought all day. I didn’t get anything done. My back hurts. The house is a mess. The dishwasher needs replaced. I’m exhausted.
You name it, I can complain it.
Worse yet, I tend to minimize my complaining heart. I convince myself that I’m just expressing my feelings, venting my stress, sharing what’s on my mind. But when I complain, my husband can easily hear condemnation aimed right at him. The kids fought all day because he isn’t doing his job as a dad. We don’t have a new dishwasher because his job doesn’t pay enough. The house is a mess because he doesn’t help out like he should.
Those attacks may not be my intention. I may simply be trying to unload. Still, my careless words can tear down my hard-working man, leaving him feeling helpless when it comes to making me happy.
So what should I do? Should I carry all the burdens alone? Should I paste on a fake smile and act like no one ever spills juice on the carpet, throws a tantrum, or has a bad day? That’s not what I’m suggesting.
First, I know that I should cast my cares upon God before I throw them on the back of my husband. When I give my troubles to God, I tend to see them in a different light. The tantrum becomes an opportunity to “train up” a toddler. The spilled juice is a chance to express love as I cheerfully scrub the carpet.
Next, I need to wait for the right time. When my husband calls me in the middle of the day or walks in the door after work, he needs a word of encouragement, not discouragement. I must be patient….look on the bright side….smile. I might even try to think of something fun to share. Imagine that!
I also need to wait for the right attitude. If I can’t find something positive to say, then I probably need to hold my tongue until I can tell him about the clouds and the silver lining. Often, many of those stresses of the day melt away as the evening goes on. Sure, I’ll eventually tell him about the trials, but I’ll wait until I can also tell him about the high points, too. While he may need to hear about the child who required extra discipline or the car that needs fixed, he also needs to hear how that same child is growing in other areas or how thankful I am that we have a car in the first place.
My husband wants to please me. His heart desires to bring joy to my heart. Being a happy wife is one of the best gifts I can give him.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Do you struggle with complaining? What tips do you have for using our words for good? Tell us in the comments!
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i just stumbled upon this website and all i can say is, what a gift! i have been feeling broken and depleted. lacking in energy and good time management. feeling as if i am failing in all areas, child of God, wife, mother, friend, you name it. thank you for being real. all too often i come across women who are i can imagine are holding on desperately to keep it all together, but too are failing yet want everyone to think they have it all together. i look forward to sifting through your site and learning more.
This is a wondeful post. I saw a post the other day linked below that if about being a “More patient mom” but if you look at the tips on this blog these could be applied to husband aslo
Here is the Link hope you all enjoy.
http://inspiredtoaction.com/2011/02/how-to-be-a-more-patient-mom-in-just-24-hours/
Melissa,
Thank you for sharing your heart! I know exactly how you feel. As a matter of fact, I regularly float in and out of those same feelings. The one good thing I have to say about feeling “broken and depleted” is that it always (eventually) drives me back to the foot of the cross, the only place to find true Hope, Love, and Forgiveness. His grace is sufficient, not only for our salvation, but also for our daily lives.
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’” (2 Corinthians 12:9a)
Great post! I struggle with holding my tongue and choosing not to complain. I think part of it, for me, is that I want validation, but I am learning that Jesus sees what I am doing and I can rest in that. I don’t have to try and get my family’s attention in such a negative way. Like you said, His grace is sufficient. He is sufficient and I don’t have to make sure everyone knows that I am slaving over a hot stove, so to speak.
Thanks again for your transparency.